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Showing posts with label screenplay. Show all posts
Showing posts with label screenplay. Show all posts

Sunday, 20 April 2025

DOWNTON ABBEY - THE COMPLETE SCRIPTS - SEASON THREE - Book review


Julian Fellowes script for Season Three of Downton Abbey was published in 2014.  The ITV series was broadcast in 2012. There are eight episodes plus the controversial Christmas Special. Dotted lines alongside the script text indicate sections of text that were cut or partially cut from the original script to make the final edited version; however, in some cases it appears that some ‘cut’ scenes did make it into the DVD version.

The format follows that of the first two season books, with many pages containing illuminating and interesting footnotes on the scene, the characters or the reasoning behind the text; sometimes with humorous asides and personal anecdotes. There are eight pages of black-and-white photos from this season, and lists of cast and crew.

Episode one begins with Robert losing a lot of money on an investment in the Grand Canadian Trunk Line railway, a real event. Sadly, the genius behind the line died on the Titanic – a disaster which neatly creates fresh repercussions for Lord Grantham, echoing episode one of the first season.

Alfred, a new Downton footman, was 6ft6ins tall. Apparently, before the period of the drama, footmen were paid by height; the tall six-footers commanding a higher salary; essentially status symbols (p21).

Besides a great deal of social commentary and history (including ‘the Troubles’ in Ireland), there are insights on constructing the drama – which apply to fiction-writing in general. Mr Fellowes makes a comment about avoiding repeating information the viewer (or reader) already knows. ‘You structure a scene so that it finishes just as they’re about to get the information you already know, or you start the scene when they’ve just got it. Sometimes you can’t avoid a slight repeat, but you do work against it’ (p56).

There’s an interesting and even topical aside when Bates is in prison, accused of murder. ‘If you want a country to accept the end of the death penalty (which I am sure is right), then people need to feel confident that a murderer in cold blood is going to have a very tough time of it. The more who come out after six years and then immediately murder someone else, the more damage is done. One of the main arguments against the death penalty used to be that there was a risk of wrongful conviction, but the trouble is, far more innocent people have died at the hands of released murderers than were ever hanged wrongly, so it doesn’t really hold water. The point being that too many today do not have faith in the legal system’ (p209/210).

I wasn’t aware of the fact that unlike in America (and elsewhere) an English agent will not allow a client to sign for more than three years for anything (p254). This explains why at least three main characters had to be written out at some stage. Sometimes, it may be some way through the season before an actor or actress announces they don’t wish to go on further. This creates problems for the script writer: for instance the first five episodes of this season had been written and cast before Dan Stevens made his intentions known.

Throughout the series there are cases of ‘moments of bonding: Carson and Robert, Carson and Mary, Mary and Anna, and so on. (Showing) a chance of birth that has made Anna work for Mary and not the other way round, and these scenes underline that’ (p311).

The travails of Thomas are thoughtfully presented. ‘I’m always against judging anyone according to a type. It doesn’t matter if it is something positive. All type judgements are worthless, because they generalise the individual. Here, what happens to Carson is that eventually, although he doesn’t approve, he comes to see that it is not Thomas’s fault’ (p405). Mr Fellowes also mentions a relative Constance Lloyd who actually married Oscar Wilde. When the scandal broke and Wilde was imprisoned for ‘the love that dare not speak its name’ apparently Constance was ostracised by all who knew her. She changed her name and wandered through Europe until her early death aged 40.  

There are many reasons why some scenes/text had to be shortened or removed. One amusing excision is this:

ROBERT: Someone should invent a new kind of telegram, so you could send a whole document at once. Just like that.

ISOBEL: And if a document, why not a person? Like H.G. Wells’s Time Machine. You’d just get in, press the button, and step out in Deauville.

VIOLET: Would we be allowed to take a maid? (p423).

Certainly, Maggie Smith (Violet) tends to get most of the best lines:

EDITH: How tiny the glens make one feel.

VIOLET: That is the thing about nature. There’s so much of it. (p516).

What is impressive that the ensemble cast – about eighteen – all have a part to play and a story to tell. The casting is perfect, even when newcomers appear for one or two episodes. On reading the scripts I can hear the actors’ voices. There’s emotion, laughter, tragedy, plotting, villainy; in fact all human nature is here – what we’ve come to expect.

To date, this appears to be the last book of scripts. Certainly Mr Fellowes has been busy since, apart from three Downton films after the end of the series. He’s a workaholic, despite his uncontrollable neurological condition, essential tremor.

Minor pedantic gripe about the TV credits: it states Written and created by Julian Fellowes. However, surely it was created and then written?

Tuesday, 17 June 2014

Screenplay - Death is Another Life (beginning)

This is the beginning of a screenplay I wrote based on my vampire novel of the same name. Yes, it's a different approach to novel writing; I had to excise much that was in the novel. The hard part isn't the writing, however, it's finding someone to read it. If you thought it was hard to place a book with an agent/publisher, try getting a reader in the business to look at your script!

There is a pathologist's scene, so please look away if you're squeamish...

You can read the text version as an excerpt here

Legend:
V.O. = Voice off scene
EXT = Exterior
B.g = background
INT = Interior


Malta - Delimera Point



“DEATH IS ANOTHER LIFE”


FADE IN:

EXT.  AERIAL VIEW - MALTA - DAWN

A painted eye, red and white staring out of a blue background, with an arching black brow.  Wide open, ever alert.   The eye of Osiris, to ward off evil.  Painted on the prow of a fishing boat.

We pull away, to see three small boats, with huge night lamps hanging over their sterns, still lit but no competition for the dawn spreading gold across the Mediterranean.

Sea-gulls circle, screeching, accompanied by the muted chugging of motors and the lapping of the sea.

B.g. - cliffs of Malta, reddish-brown.

The eyes on their boats are old superstition and they don’t work.  Evil is already on the islands.

Two fishermen with cigarettes dangling from their mouths  struggle to haul in their net. 

Water sluices off and they see a human arm protruding through, then the rest of a naked body.

EXT.  FISHING BOAT - DAY

The fisherman crosses himself and says something to his companion.

The other fisherman flicks his cigarette butt into the sea then pulls out a cell-phone from a food-basket under the seat.

DR CARUANA (V.O.)

The smell isn’t too bad.  Fish have eaten the contents of the
stomach and intestines.


CUT TO:
INT.  MORGUE - DAY

Floriana Morgue. The clock on the wall says 17:45.  The ticking is faint but can be heard above the sounds of flesh being professionally sliced.  We just heard DR CARUANA, 60, a pathologist, speaking into a suspended microphone.

Beside him is his daughter, MARIA CARUANA, 30.  Attractive. She’s Maltese-American, a reporter.  Both are in green scrubs and gloves.  Cream on her upper lip to combat bad odours.  The rest of the staff have gone.

The cadaver on the metal autopsy table is female, the front of her torso gaping from throat to pubis.  Her skin has a pulpy sickly white sheen to it. Maria points to the gaping wound.

MARIA

Hey, Dad, this isn’t your usual ‘Y’-cut.

He ignores her comment and removes the woman’s lungs. Weighs them.

(He switches the mike on before reading out the weight of each body part then switches it off).

DR CARUANA

Lungs: 1.2 kilograms. And before you ask,
she’s Doris Tabone, the heiress.


MARIA

I know, I can’t use it in my paper just yet.

He glances up, notices the crucifix dangling from his daughter’s neck.

DR CARUANA

You’re still wearing your mother’s necklace.


MARIA

Her dying wish. (Defiantly) It doesn’t change
how I feel about religion.


DR CARUANA

Maria, Maria, you were always too hard on her beliefs.

He removes the heart, places this on the scales.

DR CARUANA (CONT’D)

Heart: 280 grams.
I envied her deep faith, you know.
As a scientist, I’ve lost that simplicity, that sureness.


MARIA

But you were never close.


DR CARUANA

We were, my dear. You were too young to notice. 
When she left, taking you to America,
a light went out in my  world.

It’s the liver’s turn for the scales.

DR CARUANA (CONT’D)

Liver:  1.4 kilograms.


MARIA
(accusingly)
But you never came after us!


DR CARUANA

I wanted to, but my work -


MARIA
 
You were always bringing
the smell of death home.


DR CARUANA

So - I’m grateful you brought her back,
even if only to die here.


MARIA

It’s what she wanted.
 
Her mouth suddenly twists.

MARIA (CONT’D)

What’s that?
 

INSERT - GAPING CAVITY OF BODY

A white-and-red speckled ganglion.

BACK TO SCENE


MARIA (CONT’D)

It looks like an umbilical--

He lifts up the cord-like appendage and nods, eyes suddenly very sad.


DR CARUANA
She was pregnant.
              There’s no sign of the baby.


MARIA

These cuts - they were done with a knife.


DR CARUANA

Sacrificial.


MARIA

Oh, God, the baby was cut out of her, wasn’t it?


DR CARUANA

Probably.


MARIA

Dad, I don’t deal in probabilities - only facts!


DR CARUANA

Yes, sacrifice.


MARIA

Jesus!  (Beat) She isn’t the first, is she?


DR CARUANA

I’ve had my suspicions for a few months.


MARIA

Suspicions!  What, like Black Magic?


DR CARUANA

Probably.


MARIA

You’re joking, Dad.  Black Magic here –
               an island with a church for every day of the year?


DR CARUANA

Yes, but if you went to church you’d see the congregation is
of a certain age - and mostly old women.


MARIA

What will you do?


DR CARUANA

Nothing.  I’m too near to pension.
            I just want to retire with my roses on Gozo.


MARIA
            (outraged)
Well, I’m not going to let it lie. She deserves better. 
I’m going to find out which twisted pervert did this!


CUT TO:

MONTAGE - LIBRARIES - DAY

A)        Cathedral crypt. Maria leafing through a very old book padlocked to the wall.  Making notes.

B)  University library. Well-stocked shelves. Maria scanning microfiches.

C)  Private library. Maria reading computer screen, typing while surrounded by medieval shields, swords on the walls, with bookshelves between them.

D)  Public library. Maria annoyed at obviously not finding anything useful. On the shelf, a Book of Mediterranean Birds.

AZZOPARDI (V.O.)

We must stamp on the ugly face of crime!
It is ruining our children’s futures!


CUT TO:


EXT.  AERIAL VIEW - VALLETTA - DAY

A flock of big black birds -- Black Kites -- flying over Valletta Harbour, over the liners and steam-ships, the walled city, down to Queen’s Square, just off Republic Street ...

... where a crowd of people gather, listening to a loud brass band.

A garish float follows the band then stops outside the Caffé Cordina whose tables are ranged on the street and across the road in the square.  In a corner of the square is the black statue of Queen Victoria.

On the float is a National Party politician, Manuel AZZOPARDI, a megaphone in his hands.  Above him is a banner showing his name and party.


AZZOPARDI

Malta is not the centre of the universe. 
We must pay our way.

The black birds, not perturbed by the music and noise, perch on a roof-top, sinister, watching, and...

EXT/INT.  QUEEN’S SQUARE/CAFFÉ CORDINA - DAY

... Maria notices them and turns away, uncomfortable at their appearance.  She’s sitting opposite Detective Sergeant Francis ATTARD, 42, at a table in the square.  He’s a rather portly man in crumpled tan suit, open-necked shirt.  We can see the belt holster and revolver under his jacket folds.  Maria is in a colourful sleeveless dress.

Their sea-food meal is half-finished.  They sip white Marsovin wine.


MARIA

It’s good of you to see me, Francis,
at such short notice.


ATTARD

I spend most of my lunch-breaks here,
watching the world go by.
And not watching my weight!

Many of the tables are occupied, the diners idly curious about the antics of Azzopardi, who is overweight and sweating in his dark suit and tie.  Others couldn’t care less.  There’s the sound of cutlery, dishes, loud talking, the hubbub of passers-by.

Police in tan uniforms and Ray-ban sunglasses stand at regular intervals along the procession’s route up Republic Street. Waiters and waitresses weave between the tables. Nobody is in any particular hurry.


AZZOPARDI

We must get things done today,
         not next month, not next year!

A waiter rushes through the crowd and leans over Attard.

Attard gets up and follows the waiter through the crowd ...

INTO CAFFÉ CORDINA ...

... and passes two men, ZONDADARI, 40s, and BONELLO, 35, sitting by the window as he makes for the wall-mounted phone in the contrasting dark interior of the café ...

Zondadari is reflected in the ornate gilt mirror on opposite wall.  He’s handsome: the REFLECTION reveals a badly scarred RIGHT cheek, glinting eyes and a smile playing on his lips.  He is talking to Bonello who looks tired and drawn, eyes sunken yet filled with a strange light.

ZONDADARI
Now, Bonello, is the time to exert your
leadership of the New Power Party. 
Just concentrate very hard and your
opponent won’t know what hit him.

BONELLO
I will try, Count Zondadari.

Bonello closes his eyes and his face hardens.  Oblivious to his surroundings...

... while Maria is leaning over the back of her seat, watching Azzopardi the politician. 

Azzopardi stops a moment to bite on a sandwich a pretty girl helper has given him. Then:

AZZOPARDI
A vote for me is a vote for the future of these
magnificent islands! Vote Azzopardi!

Which is the signal for the band to start again. And, as if disturbed by the sound of the brass instruments, the black kites flap their wings, take off and drop towards the float, circling Azzopardi, suddenly covering his face.

Some onlookers scream. 

Azzopardi tries batting the birds away with the megaphone.  A bird snatches his sandwich and flies off.

And Azzopardi overbalances, the birds still surrounding him.

He falls off the float... as a policeman withdraws his revolver and shoots it in the air, chasing the birds away.

People run back, screaming, fearful.

While Azzopardi falls directly under the wheels of the following limousine.

Whistles blow, police rush through the panicking crowd. The band players stop, though not in unison, it’s a squawking cacophony... followed by silence...

While Maria, having seen it all, closes her eyes and...

...Bonello opens his eyes, looking quite pleased with himself.  He’s flushed, looks down, grateful his lap is covered with a napkin.


ZONDADARI
Enjoy that, then?
BONELLO
Yes, very much.
 
ZONDADARI
Remember, that was possible through
the sacrifice of a new life.
BONELLO
Yes... as you keep reminding me!
 
ZONDADARI
Just think what more is possible in this election. 
The New Power Party can’t lose!

Attard passes their table, heading outside to finish his meal with Maria. Attard notices the commotion and stops to talk with a policeman. He shakes his head, pats the cop on the shoulder and walks up to Maria’s table.


ATTARD
(to Maria)
I’ve got to give evidence at the
Law Courts in an hour.
MARIA
Can I have the story?


ATTARD
Sure. Family feud. The usual.

 
Sitting down, he thumbs back at the crowd.


ATTARD (CONT’D)
Looks like his policies took a nose-dive.

 
Maria pushes the plate away, no longer hungry.

 
MARIA
It was an awful accident.
At least, I think it was an accident.
 
ATTARD
Hey, don’t get paranoid on me. I doubt if there’s
anything in your father’s suspicions, but I’ll
dig up any strange goings-on in our reports, okay?
 
MARIA
(shaking her head)
You didn’t see those birds. They seemed
to know what they were doing.



Attard is cutting open a pawpaw with a fruit knife from his pocket.  Eating it. Wiping his mouth with a paper handkerchief.

Maria pulls herself together.

MARIA (CONT’D)
Okay, Francis, get me anything you can
find in your musty old police files.
ATTARD
The supernatural. Do you believe in it?
MARIA
No.  I just want the story. Something that’ll
push Azzopardi’s death off of page one.

ATTARD
Well, I do.  And it scares me.

She gives him a look of disbelief.

ATTARD (CONT’D)
Three years ago I was called in by
the curator of Ghar Dalam cave.

 
MARIA
I read about that in George’s back issues. You were lucky to
get out alive.  But I don’t remember anything supernatural...

ATTARD
Yes, I was lucky.  Not like the poor priest.


DISSOLVE TO:

 
EXT.  GHAR DALAM MUSEUM - DAY (THREE YEARS AGO)

... and there we'll leave it. The script was finished some time ago, the standard length, 150 pages. Note the white space - lots of it. Speech is kept to a minimum, also. I try to limit the instructions to the actors (in brackets) - they prefer to interpret the emotions of the characters.
 

Tuesday, 15 April 2014

Writing tip – It’s too long!

This is a companion piece to my blog ‘Writing tip – It’s too short! here


As we writers know, some publishers set an upper limit for fiction submissions. There are several valid reasons for this. The limit can vary from 50,000 to 100,000. Rarely do they want in excess of 100,000. Yes, there are exceptions, though I haven’t found any when searching on my wife’s behalf for her 150,000 romantic suspense novel.

So how do you clip off those extra words, expunge all that precious prose?

Here are ten suggestions:

1. Break the novel into two books. This will only work if the plot and flow of the story permits. The ideal point to break would be where the protagonist encounters a serious obstacle that seems insurmountable. Not the final black moment, but similar. So end on a cliff-hanger. That will inevitably require some rewriting. If you’ve captured the reader for the first ‘half’, then ending in this way is likely to entice the reader to seek out the follow-up.

Some books previously published were chopped up into smaller units because of their size – notably The First Chronicles of Thomas Covenant – that ended up as a trilogy (to be followed by others!) Edgar Rice Burroughs ended on a cliff-hanger at the close of The Warlord of Mars, the second in what amounted to a trilogy. Dickens did it all the time with the magazine versions of his novels: leave the reader wanting more. But not all books lend themselves to this kind of surgery.

Be ruthless. Yes, a good author should ruthlessly edit anyway. But many just tend to tinker rather than excise. Follow these suggestions and cut, cut and cut; put the manuscript away for a while, come back to it with fresh eyes and then cut, cut and cut again.  

2. Is every scene doing something to add to the plot or increase our understanding of the characters, or move the story forward? If the scene does none of those things, why is it there?

3. Is all that research that you’ve infodumped really necessary? Can it be condensed without losing the salient points in order to aid the story?

4. Repetition. Time and again I read where the same sentence or two is repeated, though using different words; the sense is the same, twice. Combine, or excise. Same goes for whole paragraphs.

5. Too many characters. This is a tough one. It depends on the type of story, naturally. A saga, or the first in a series, might contain a good number of characters. But do they all do enough to justify being there? Some need to be sounding boards, perhaps, for the main characters; others need to be there so they can meet a grisly demise that will signpost the threat to the protagonist. Fine.

Compare the screenplay of a novel; you’ll notice that some characters have been dropped, while in other cases two or more have been fused into one. (Yes, this is to save on actors’ pay, but it’s also to make the story less complicated). All your characters have to work or they don’t belong; in which case, send them to another work in progress.
 
6. Description. I believe description is necessary to put the reader into the scene. Admittedly, there are authors – and readers – who are happy with minimalist description; or none at all, relying on neat character-filled dialogue. That works, when done well. Though my argument is, it’s a novel that rattles in the reader’s head, not a radio play. Still, there can be too much description. Is all the description through a character’s eyes? Or is it imposed by the author? If you’re writing omniscient POV, then the description may tend to be too rich. If it’s character POV description, keep it tight and relevant, to create mood, foreshadowing or a sense of place and character.

7. Dialogue. Some characters can become irksome, running off at the mouth without let up. These folk need reining in. Does what they say have relevance to the story, to the forward movement of the plot? Occasionally, you can get away with ‘one sugar or two, Vicar?’ when the mood’s appropriate, but be ruthless where possible. Dialogue also falls into the repetition trap – beware, and if found, cut!
 
8. Scene shifts. Scriptwriting gets round much of the tedious bits by scene shifting. Do the same – unless it’s necessary, do you have to relate how your characters get to the next scene? Start the scene with them there.
 
9. Conflict. Without conflict, there’s no story. The conflict doesn’t have to be physical. It can be verbal, psychological, or even caused by the environment. Some scriptwriters arrive at the conflict slowly, letting us get to know the individuals first. That’s fine. But you’ll grab your reader faster and more firmly if you begin with the conflict and then get to know the characters through their actions. Cut the lead up to the conflict – go for the jugular straight away.

10. Tangent. If you don’t watch them, characters can go off at a tangent and take the plot with them. It’s interesting as you go, but is it necessary to the story’s main flow? Yes, you need sub-plots, but you can have too many of them. Be ruthless with the sub-plots and leave them only if they serve a purpose.
 
Finally, don’t discard. That might sound contrary, considering the purpose outlined. If you’re going to excise vast chunks of prose, that’s good. But cut and paste these chunks and save them elsewhere in another document. You never know, some or all of them may prove useful at a later date in another work in progress. If nothing else, it doesn’t seem as if you’ve entirely wasted your time on all that prose! [Whenever I decide to edit, I always start with a new copy, so I’ve always got the earlier version, in case I have an aberration and go too far!] Remember too that the time spent on those words wasn’t wasted; the simple action of writing improves your style every time, every day.
 
Of course, if you have a plot-plan and stick to it and monitor your word-count as you work, you’re less likely to exceed by too much that upper limit. I would estimate that 5,000 words over isn’t going to be frowned upon.
 
Truth is, you can always add more; the obverse is also true, you can always cut more.
 
Nowadays, of course, if you feel you cannot cut your prose to meet the upper limit of a publisher, you can always resort to self-publishing at reasonable cost – though bear in mind that usually every extra page of your masterwork will cost more in production and postage.

***

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